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Paella Will Not Break Me - 01/29/24

Mike found these quality authentic paella pans at Homesense. Surprising, I know, but  Homesense can be a strange and wonderful place to find occasional, one-off quality kitchen gadgets. We always look. The only rule you need to heed is - never leave a treasure behind. If you score a find - buy it immediately. You will never find it again. Their corporate mission statement is to ‘delight and infuriate’ - I am sure of it.  


So we bought the two sizes they had. Big and bigger. We can feed 8 to 20 people but never make just enough Paella for 2 of 3 because the pans don’t come that size. If they do, Homesense doesn’t want you to know. 


We’ve had the pans for at least a year. In the course of that time, we’ve made many, many attempts at mastering the dish. We’ve watched videos, read books and articles, and tried different recipes. Mike launches every attempt with confidence that this will be the time it turns out lovely. He’s so confident in our ability to succeed that he always suggests company for dinner. I always shoot the idea down.


A crispity layer of rice is supposed to form on the bottom - if the dish is left undisturbed and intentionally ignored. This crust is lovingly referred to as socarrat by paella purists. We’ve never achieved this. Sometimes, the rice is too cooked or not cooked enough. As a rule, we get a strange combination of fully cooked rice with near-raw grains that surprise your teeth and taste like budgie gravel. The seafood is always overcooked. The chicken never stays brown and crisp. Sometimes 3 cups is too much liquid. Sometimes, it is not quite enough. 


Every time, I realize exactly what went wrong. Even though, throughout the process, it seems we’ve done all things right. It’s infuriating! Did Homesense originate in Spain?


I’ve decided that Paella is an exercise in futility, the perfecting of failure, a lost cause. But it will not win. Failure will not stop me from trying. 


Every few months, we break out the pans with fierce determination. We correct the flaws from the attempt before, only to be presented with a new set of shortcomings. The flavour seems to be the only aspect we don’t screw up time and again. 

  

I couldn’t bring myself to photograph our latest foray. We ate it - it wasn’t horrible. It is never horrible. I've eaten worse in restaurants. But it is never perfect. Never quite what it could be, what it should be, or what Mike and I both desperately expect it to be. 


Paella will be the dish that drives me mad until I conquer it. I’m sure I could make it - if I use my own method and 86 the ‘too-big-for-my-burners’ pan, but I don’t want to cheat. I want to make it the authentic way.


Maybe a class would be good for my mental health.


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